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Message
from
the High Council
High
Council Members
Past
Notices
of Archival Viewings
Heuristic
Terminology Assembler
Dispatches
Main
|
PAST
NOTICES OF ARCHIVAL VIEWINGS
Stardate
0829.04
MESSAGE
FROM THE HIGH COUNCIL AD HOC TASK FORCE ON THE DENORIOS
BELT
In
2376, the seventh year after Starfleet’s takeover of the Cardassian
station Deep
Space 9, a Bajoran
flautist played a moving suite dedicated to the station and its
inhabitants.
Performed
simply on the station’s Promenade, the piece failed to move
few who chanced to hear it—because it evoked much of what the
inhabitants had discovered, accomplished, and suffered in seven
years.
They had passed through death and rebirth; created elaborate fantasies
sometimes turned real; confronted their own mirror images; fled
enemies and regained homes; and challenged—and became challenged
by—the inexplicable loyalty of slaves.
Their stories, unfolding with wit and passion over seven years,
succeeded where many mission archives fell short: They showed us
what it means to live as a sentient being.
Year 1 of Deep Space 9 lays a fascinating foundation for what comes
later. Our next archival viewing showcases some of the best archives
of that year.
In the future (we know how
to get there) we’ll review missions from the later years.
If you plan to join us for those reviews, you’ll not want to
miss this Year 1 screening.
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| TASK
FORCE MEMBERS
Commander
Gowan
|
Lt.
Commander
Marshaschwaba |
Ambassador
Zer’zon |
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Stardate
1009.04
Next
archival viewing: Stardate 1009.04
(Terran: Saturday October 9 2004)
Archives
scheduled for viewing:
16:00
hours (Terran: 4:00 p.m.)
Missions
of Starfleet facility Deep Space 9 (formerly Cardassian facility
Terok
Nor), 1st year of commissioning (2369-2370):
1
Emissary, Parts I
and II
18:00
hours (Terran: 6:00 p.m.)
Mission
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise (registry NX-01),
4th year of commissioning (2154):
More
1st-year missions of Deep Space 9:
13 Battle
Lines
14 The
Storyteller
16 If
Wishes Were Horses
18
Dramatis
Personae
20
In
the Hands of the Prophets
12
Vortex
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MESSAGE
FROM
THE HIGH COUNCIL CHAIR
One
of my persistent fantasies (I swear I made this up) involves mysterious,
advanced space aliens helping a small but potent band of humans
(including me) save the Earth from entrenched corporate fascism.
The aliens, tho powerful, have a non-interference ethic that prevents
them from giving our wily renegade bunch little more than sage advice
and a secret, high-tech base (on the far side of Earth’s moon)
from which to operate.
That
might explain why I like “A
Taste of Armageddon” (U.S.S. Enterprise [NCC-1701]
archive #23). In the reverse of my fantasy, this mission involves
Earth (Federation) humans saving aliens on Eminiar VII from a generations-long,
technology-driven war. The presumptive saviors, too, have an non-interference
ethic—which they toss out of the nearest docking port when
the need arises (as they’d continue
to do in later missions).
Some
like “A Taste of Armageddon” merely for its kitsch. When,
for example, the xenotechnology staff over at Starfleet
Engineering got a look at the computers used on Eminiar VII,
they erupted
into some Klingon-style back-slapping. (“Washing machines!
They're fightin’ a war usin’ frickin’ Maytags!”)
All
of which leads me to Deep Space 9 archive #13, “Battle
Lines,” which we’ll screen in our next
archival viewing. Tho I haven’t seen it (I haven’t
seen any of ’em), based on the mission summary I bet I’ll
love it: Starfleet’s finest end up on the ground, relatively
defenseless, in the midst of the locals’ war. They nobly end
the conflict, of course, while slamming
the futility of war —and providing eerie insights into the
Bajoran religion. Bonus: A twist on Starfleet’s inexplicable
yet inevitable “red
shirt dies” phenomenon.
More viewing highlights: Most of us know that time-related phenomena
result in all kinds of distortions. What else, then, than the passage
of time could explain the apparent mass amnesia about the humor
of Deep Space 9 missions? I continually read about the “dark
and racy” Deep Space 9. OK, it has those qualities; but in
archives like #14, “The
Storyteller,” you’ll see why those in the know remember
DS9 for its laughs. In some ways DS9 carries on the fine humor exhibited
by the U.S.S. Enterprise’s Commander
Spock, as witnessed in this bit of dialog:
KIRK
(TO FEDERATION OFFICIAL): I heard you.
SPOCK:
He simply could not believe his ears.
The
First Contact Office likes archive #16, “If
Wishes Were Horses,” because it uncovers the process often
used for first contact: None. “What really throws the newbies
in our biz,” says FCO staffer and High
Council member Ambassador Olsen, “is that you’re out
on a mission and you think you’ve gotten something like a cold—when
in fact you’ve got a first contact.”
Enough highlights for now (I’ve exhausted my replicator credits).
Tho I can’t see into the future (prohibited by the Office
of Temporal Investigations), I predict you’ll thoroughly
enjoy our next archival viewing, which focuses on the second part
of the first year of Deep Space 9 missions. We
look forward to your corporeal or holographic presence.
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Stardate
1105.04
Next
archival viewing: Stardate 1105.04
(Terran: Friday November 5 2004)
20:00 hours (Terran: 8:00 p.m.)
Archives
scheduled for viewing:
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise (registry NX-01),
4th year of commissioning (2154):
Plus:
missions of Starfleet facility Deep Space 9 (formerly Cardassian
facility Terok
Nor), 2nd year of commissioning (2370-2371).
Click
here for a visual representation
of the viewing destination.
MESSAGE
FROM
HIGH COUNCIL MEMBER
ADMIRAL HOKAP
Vulcan’s most accomplished quantum scientists
have informed me they have detected a possible disruption
to the timeline. Our scientists consider this a residual effect
of recent breaches of responsible use of the timeline for thematic
purposes.
The
High Council, meeting in emergency session, have deemed it necessary
to convene an ad hoc quantum task force (pursuant to the
precedent set by Starfleet Section 37) to review results of recent
and past missions. We will assimilate this data, determine the severity
of the disruption, and identify potential countermeasures.
It is the pon-ho'ard: The Viewing.
|
 |
Admiral
Hokap |
Stardate
206.05
Next
archival viewing: Stardate 206.05
(Terran: Sunday February 6 2005)
18:00 hours (Terran: 6:00 p.m.) at the
Federation Consulate on Albeni Prime
Archives
scheduled for viewing:
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise (registry NX-01),
4th year of commissioning (2154):
Plus:
missions of Starfleet facility Deep Space 9 (formerly Cardassian
facility Terok
Nor), 2nd year of commissioning (2372-2373):
Navigational
aide:
MESSAGE
FROM
HIGH COUNCIL MEMBERS
CMDR. LAR’NZALME-E
AND CMDR. XANDER
We
don’t get many visitors to our home world, Albeni Prime, because
of the difficulty reaching it: It sits midway along a twisting,
one-way wormhole.
But with the right pilot and plucky thrusters, visitors do make
it here—and they invariably leave smiling.
As you might know from Starfleet protocols, visitors to Albeni Prime
must wear VISORs
during their stay. This results from the quasimolecular
neutrino field active in our atmosphere. Occasionally some uninformed
visitors, arriving via illicit transport, don’t know about
this environment—and they mistakenly consider the neutrino
field entertainingly aesthetic (like the aurora borealis found on
many planets, or the effects
of lysergic acid diethylamide popular on Earth during the 20th
Century). Of course, after a couple hours’ exposure with the
naked eye, they go insane. Sad, really.
In any case, we hope you’ll find suitable transport to get
to our world for the upcoming archival viewing. This one promises
everything you’ve come to expect: Manic button-pressing during
emergencies, expendable
red-shirts, and sexy alien mishaps. We’ll also serve authentic
qagh
tlhIq, with fresh ’Iw puj just brought in from
Qo’noS
by some vacationing Klingons.
Commander
Lˆr'nzalm-e & Commander Xander |
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Stardate
326.05
Next
archival viewing: Stardate 0326.05, 1700 hours (Terran: Saturday
March 26 2005, 5:00 p.m.) at Mission Archives
Archives
scheduled for viewing:
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NX-01),
4th year of operation (2154):
89
United
90
The
Aenar
91
Affliction
92
Divergence
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NCC-1701), 1st and 2nd years under command of James
T. Kirk (2266-2268):
27
Errand
of Mercy
46
The
Gamesters of Triskelion
Missions
of Starfleet facility Deep Space 9 (formerly Cardassian facility
Terok
Nor), 2nd year of operation (2370-2371):
39
Blood
Oath
44
The
Collaborator
MESSAGE
FROM
THE HIGH COUNCIL AD HOC TASK FORCE ON MARTIAL AFFAIRS
In the late 20th Century
Earth’s strongest military power, the United States of America,
began a concerted effort to control near-Earth orbital (NEO) space
for military purposes.
Although the U.S.A. had previously experimented
with primitive orbital weapons platforms (as observed by the starship
Enterprise NCC-1701 in the mission summarized in archive
#55), the later build-up involved an unprecedented development
of ground-based control systems coupled with orbital reconnaissance
instruments.
After the diminutization of the U.S.A.’s
military might during Earth’s
third world war in the 2050s, the militarization of NEO space
halted. But its legacy persisted, in that Earth chose to impose
a military structure upon most of its future interplanetary and
interstellar space exploration. That structure provided a basis
for Starfleet Command—a structure that endures today.
Several mission archivists have noted the
ongoing tension between discovery and military ambition. In the
upcoming archival review we’ll delve into the effects of this
tension on the Federation and its ostensible exploratory arm, Starfleet.
TASK
FORCE MEMBERS
|
|
Commander
Gowan |
Ambassador
Zer’zon |
Stardate
515.05
Stardate
0515.05, 1700 hours
(Terran: Sunday May 15 2005, 5:00 p.m.) at Mission Archives
Archives
scheduled for viewing:
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NCC-1701), 2nd year under command of James
T. Kirk (2267-2268):
64
The
Tholian Web
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NX-01),
4th year of operation (2154):
93
Bound
94
In
a Mirror, Darkly (Part 1)
95
In
a Mirror, Darkly (Part 2)
96
Demons
97
Terra
Prime
98
These
Are the Voyages . . .
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NCC-1701), 2nd year under command of James
T. Kirk (2267-2268):
31
Metamorphosis
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MESSAGE
FROM
THE HIGH COUNCIL AD HOC TASK FORCE ON COMMAND TENURE
In 2270, when Starfleet
Command relieved Capt. James Kirk of the command of the Enterprise
NCC-1701, he did not into the night quietly go.
Upon his subsequent, reluctant promotion,
Admiral Kirk’s own logs document his close companionship with
Admiral
Lori Ciana. Subsequent disclosure of Starfleet records show
that Kirk’s commanding officer, Admiral Heihachiro Nogura,
assigned Ciana to the position that required her to work closely
with Kirk. Kirk’s discovery of this subterfuge led him to shun
his admiralty and demand the captaincy of the Enterprise
NCC-1701A, which he achieved in 2373.
Thus did it go with Jonathan Archer.
Archer took command of the first of the
Starfleet vessels named Enterprise (NX-01)
in 2151. Approximately ten years later Starfleet recalled NX-01
and relieved Archer of command.
Many observers saw it coming.
Archer had begun his command with uncanniness
and bravado, as evidenced by his precarious return of a Klingon
emissary to Qo’noS
in 2151 and his overtures to the Andorians in the face of Vulcan
disapproval.
As did Earth inhabitants of the time, historians
have credited Archer with the uncovering of a destabilizing effort
from future time-travelers and an eventual peace-making with the
Xindi.
Archives from the period after the Xindi
attack on Earth in 2153, however, reveal a different Jonathan
Archer—one known less for his discretion and race-bridging
and more for the single-minded ruthlessness and brutality with which
he pursued the Xindi.
Archer’s indiscretions, despite his
accomplishments, caused Starfleet to remove him from command of
Enterprise. And, like James Kirk 110 years later, Archer
would not sit still for what he came to see as an indignity. Recently
declassified Starfleet records show the subsequent upheaval caused
by Archer in the newly-formed
Federation.
In the upcoming archival review we’ll
explore the events that led to Archer’s loss of the Enterprise
command and his captaincy’s parallels to that of his successor,
James Kirk. We think you’ll find these, as the Vulcans say,
fascinating.
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| TASK
FORCE MEMBERS
|
|
Lt.
Commander
Marshaschwaba |
Ambassador
Zer’zon |
Stardate
703.05
Stardate
0703.05
(Terran: Sunday July 3 2005)
1900 hours (Terran: 7:00 p.m.)
at
Mission Archives
Scheduled
for viewing:
20th,
21st, 23rd, and 24th Century archives
MESSAGE
FROM THE HIGH COUNCIL CHAIR
I
hailed all the quadrant,
Sentients near and far.
Said, “Need a celebration
That rivals a pon farr.”
When scanning my proposal,
Some scoffed. Some raised force fields!
But others scheduled ’way teams
And prepared to lower shields.
Birthdays come but once a year
So come—all hands on deck!
What better way that day to cheer,
For me, than watching Trek?
So replicate some Rom’lan ale;
On gluten disks we’ll dine.
Warp cores they will come all a-breached,
Intertial dampers will go off-line.
Nowhere in all the quadrant
Will beings come to know
Such universal melding as
Birthday Trekwatch with the Glow!
Note to all sentients: No gifts, please, other
than consumables.
Commander
Gowan
|
Stardate
1015.05
Stardate
1015.05, 1800 hours (Terran: Saturday October 15 2005, 6:00 p.m.)
at Mission Archives
Archives
scheduled for viewing:
Missions
of Starfleet facility Deep Space 9 (formerly Cardassian facility
Terok
Nor), 2nd and 3rd years of operation (2371-2372):
23
The
Siege
49
The
House of Quark
50
Equilibrium
60
Heart
of Stone
66
Through
the Looking Glass
MESSAGE
FROM THE HIGH COUNCIL AD HOC TASK FORCE ON TEMPORAL MECHANICS
Humanoids
have contemplated traveling thru time long before they began traveling
thru space.
Much of the speculation about time travel has revolved around the
question: Can we do it? Opinions have diverged. For example, late
in Earth’s 20th Century, human writer C.J.
Cherryh postulated that Earthlings could travel only backward
in time—and only on their own planet.
Earth physicists of the same period, studying the relativity theories
of Earth’s Albert Einstein, concluded that sentients
could travel in time, but forward only. A hitch: Time voyagers
have to travel on a ship moving near the speed of light; they’d
not so much leap into the future as experience a slowing of time
within their own frame of reference.
Vulcan theorists working in the 21st Century dismissed such fly-out-and-fly-back
methods and concentrated on instaneous jumps thru time. Their
conclusion? Impossible—from (what else?) a logical standpoint.
Regardless of the temporal catechism to which you subscribe, you
won’t want to miss the upcoming archival review, for a very
important reason: At the review we will move together into the
future. And we’ll do it without the aid of near-lightspeed
propulsion. How? We could tell you, but then we’d have to .
. . well, never mind. We don’t have the time.
TASK
FORCE MEMBERS |
Commander
Gowan
|
Lt.
Commander
Marshaschwaba |
Stardate
1227.05
Stardate
1227.05, 1530 hours (Terran: Wednesday December 272005, 3:30 p.m.)
at Mission Archives
ARCHIVES SCHEDULED FOR VIEWING
Mission
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NCC-1701-A), 2nd year of operation (2287), under command
of James
T. Kirk:
Missions
of Starfleet facility Deep Space 9 (formerly Cardassian facility
Terok
Nor), 2nd and 3rd years of operation (2372-2374):
Starfleet
vessels Enterprise (registries NX-01 and NCC-1701-D), special
two-mission archive combined by Memory
Alpha:
NCC-1701-D:
mission 164 The
Pegasus
MESSAGE
FROM THE HIGH COUNCIL CHAIR
Here at the Archives, a seasonal lassitude
has shape-shifted into a bit of solar reflection that we’d
like to transmit to you.
Quite a while ago we levitated all the stockings
around the holofire. Deep Space 17 has long since confirmed scans
of the Santa array coming in from Polaris. And as far as what present
to get . . . well, let’s just say that we don’t take presents
for granted. You just never know when the present will give way
to another time.
All of which leaves me time enough reflect
on the Mission Archives, uh, mission.
In case your universal translator hasn’t
previously decoded this, I want you to know that we on the Archives
staff, just like another bunch of well-known, red-clad workers that
launch goodies into space, fire all our impulses for you.
Yes, we see you when you’re beaming, we know when you’re
a-warp. We know your archival aspirations. We cherish them—and
share them. That’s why we remain on station, stardate after
stardate, to give all you good little space cadets exactly what
you deserve: no less than what we offer.
In coming light years, may the stars always
align along your course.
Commander
Gowan
Stardate
305.06
Stardate
305.06, 1430 hours
(Terran: Sunday, March 5, 2006, 2:30 p.m.)
at Mission Archives
ARCHIVES
SCHEDULED FOR VIEWING
Missions
of Starfleet facility Deep Space 9 (formerly Cardassian facility
Terok
Nor), 3rd and 4th years of operation (2374-2375):
71
Facets
(GEOS
rating: 109th of 174)
Mission
of Starfleet vessel Voyager, 2nd year of operation (2372-2373):
MESSAGE
FROM THE HIGH COUNCIL CHAIR
In our next archival viewing, we’ll
take a look at the moon-shattering development of 2375: An abrupt
end to the Federation-Klingon alliance, which had solidified steadily
since the Khitomer
Accords. The story of the Klingons’ suspicion of Dominion
infiltration, and subsequent actions—including the reassignment
of Starfleet Lt. Worf from the starship Enterprise to Deep
Space 9—will fascinate.
Speaking of reassignments: With no small regret I must announce
the departure of Lt. Commander Marshaschwaba from Mission Archives.
Since last year Marshaschwaba has served on a temporary assignment
to Archives staff, in which he provided much-appreciated spaciotemporal
support to the High Council. As he returns to his post at Starfleet
Academy, we wish him warp speed.
Commander
Gowan
Stardate
529.06
Stardate
529.06, 1630 hours
(Terran: Monday, May 29, 2006, 4:30 p.m.)
at Mission Archives
ARCHIVES
SCHEDULED FOR VIEWING
Missions
of Starfleet facility Deep Space 9 (formerly Cardassian facility
Terok
Nor), 3rd and 4th years of operation (2374-2375):
Mission
of Starfleet vessel Voyager, 4th year of operation (2376-2377):
MESSAGE
FROM THE HIGH COUNCIL CHAIR
Over the years many have expressed incredulity
that the crew of the Starfleet vessel Voyager, in its epic
misadventures in the Delta
quadrant, did not suffer higher levels of physical and psychological
damage. In our next viewing we’ll review a mission that, to
some, best represents how Voyager should have fared in most
of its later years—casting doubt on the veracity of the other
existing Voyager archives.
Commander
Gowan
Stardate
729.06
ARCHIVES SCHEDULED FOR VIEWING
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NCC-1701), 3rd year under command of James
T. Kirk (2268-2269):
64
The
Tholian Web
Missions
of Starfleet facility Deep
Space 9 (formerly Cardassian facility Terok
Nor), 4th year of operation (2375-2376):
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NX-01) during 2155:
94 In a Mirror, Darkly—Parts I
and II
Special
multi-mission archive combined at Memory
Alpha:
Decisions and Delusions: Commanders Questioning Themselves
Mission
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NCC-1701D) during 2369:
147 Frame
of Mind
|
MESSAGE
FROM THE HIGH COUNCIL AD HOC TASK FORCE ON COMMAND COMPETENCE
In
2268, Capt. James Kirk of the Starfleet vessel Enterprise
watched as technicians installed an experimental computer designed
to automate much of his crew’s functions—including his own.
The arrival of “the ultimate computer”—innocuously
named M-5—came
with no warning to Kirk. In the aftermath, most of his crew left,
his peers mocked him, and M-5 blew away an engineer, a harmless freighter,
and finally a whole starship.
A lousy day.
Archival data shows Kirk’s reaction just before M-5 flipped on:
He flipped out. What commander wouldn’t? Those in command already
carry burdens only imagined by mere sentients; so when plagued with
unplanned, planet-sized plights, even the plucky can plain plunge.
In our upcoming archival review we’ll examine the moments of
indecision, soul-searching, and self-doubt experienced by commanders
under stress. We’ll do so by way of a special compilation archive,
developed exclusively for Mission Archives at the acclaimed facilities
of Memory Alpha.
Please plan to pluck this plum. TASK
FORCE MEMBERS |
|
Commander
Gowan
|
Commodore Jay
|
|
Stardate
1029.06
ARCHIVES SCHEDULED FOR VIEWING
Missions
of Starfleet facility Deep
Space 9 (formerly Cardassian facility Terok
Nor), 4th year of operation (2375-2376):
78
Rejoined (GEOS
rating: 102nd of 174)
Mission
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NX-01) during 2153:
23 Regeneration
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NCC-1701-D) during 2366-2367:
74/75 The Best of Both Worlds, Parts
I and II
(Special multi-mission archive combined at Memory
Alpha)
MESSAGE
FROM THE HIGH COUNCIL AD HOC TASK FORCE ON SENTIENT RIGHTS
In
2365, a Starfleet court
of inquiry first determined, in a landmark decision, that artificial
life forms could claim the same rights as sentient, non-artificial
beings.
The court limited its decision to humanoid androids. Presumably, though,
the resulting changes in Starfleet policy affected other life forms
that reached sentience—such as holograms backed by evolving
intelligence.
But when one carefully reviews the types of life forms to which the
new, enlightened policy applied, a disturbing inconsistency arises
in the policy’s application to cybernetic
beings.
A cyborg, by definition, differs from a so-called artificial life
form in a key way: A cyborg results from the fusing of “natural”
and artificial beings. One might expect, therefore, that cyborgs would
enjoy the same basic rights conferred upon their non-artificial constituents.
Starfleet archives tell a different tale. In case after case, Starfleet
applied a “better off dead” maxim to cyborgs, in what some
see as a myopic disregard for its own “seek out new life”
charter.
Our upcoming review will examine some of these cases.
TASK
FORCE MEMBERS
|
|
Commander
Gowan
|
Ambassador Zer’zon
|
|
Stardate
1228.06
ARCHIVES SCHEDULED FOR VIEWING
At 1400 hours (Terran: 2:00 p.m.):
Special
multi-mission archive combined at Memory
Alpha:
Decisions and Delusions: Commanders Questioning Themselves
At 1500 hours (Terran: 3:00 p.m.):
Missions
of Starfleet facility Deep
Space 9 (formerly Cardassian facility Terok
Nor), 4th year of operation (2375-2376):
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NCC-1701), 1st year under command of James
T. Kirk (2266-2267):
3
The
Corbomite Manuever
|
|
Stardate
204.07
Missions
of Starfleet vessel Enterprise
(registry NCC-1701), 1st year under command of James
T. Kirk (2266-2267):
10
Journey to Babel
Missions
of Starfleet facility Deep
Space 9 (formerly Cardassian facility Terok
Nor), 4th year of operation (2375-2376):
Special alternative-dimension archive procured by the Federation
Consulate at Albeni Prime:
|
|
Stardate 703.07
MESSAGE
FROM THE HIGH COUNCIL AD HOC TASK FORCE ON FLEET SECURITY
In
the upcoming archival review we'll see the mission of stardate 4202.9
in which Commodore Matt Decker, a Starfleet senior officer,
stole a shuttlecraft from the USS Enterprise.
Thus began a stretch of blatant impropriety not seen since Earth’s
second Daley administration.
One might argue that Decker, as a seasoned Starfleet ship commander,
had advantages. That he’d previously piloted a Constellation-class
starship’s shuttle. That he knew where to avoid the red-shirts.
That he knew standard access codes for a shuttle bay.
None of that explains how far less expert beings—from green
Starfleet cadets to lettuce-headed Kazons—could repeatedly
slip starships out from underneath their own Starfleet crews . .
. for centuries.
Let’s look at the abysmal record, year by year.
2152: The Enterprise crew retreats to the ship’s engine
nacelles to wait out a poisonous, days-long cosmic storm. While
the crew naps, aliens
board and do what boarding aliens do.
2267: After foiling a group of fugitives’
takeover of the Enterprise, Captain James Kirk maroons
them on an uninhabited planet—rather than delivering them to
the nearest starbase for prosecution. Eighteen years later, the
same group hijacks
the Reliant and—surprise!—attacks Kirk and
the Enterprise. Intersteller chickens beam home to roost.
2269: Intersteller con-man Harry
Mudd makes off with an Enterprise shuttlecraft—no
matter that the Enterprise crew had busted him twice before.
2287: A lone Vulcan with a rifle forces the entire Enterprise
crew to
take him to the center of the galaxy. Sounds like the first
line of a joke, eh?
2364: A Starfleet cadet steals
an Enterprise shuttlecraft. (After a few years, reports
of stolen shuttlecraft dwindle; so Starfleet either starts locking
them up, or clamps down on the press.)
2366: The omnipotent being Q takes
an Enterprise shuttlecraft. Wait, you say—Q can
do anything. Not this time; the Q Continuum had stripped Q of his
powers. Hey, if cadets can do it . . .
2371: Several Maquis take
a docked Defiant-class ship by tricking a stationmaster
into releasing the docking clamps. Sound too easy? Well . . . yeah.
2372: After driving off Voyager’s crew, the technologically-challenged
Kazon seem to have no problem driving
off with Voyager.
2374: The experimental Prometheus, an ultra-sophisticated
vessel that Starfleet claims only four people have the expertise
to operate, becomes the captive
of a handful of Romulans—whom, presumably, didn’t
get the memo. Later, the ship gets re-taken by—get this—two
emergency medical holograms who have no experience with starship
operation.
2374: Aliens not only take
over Voyager, but imprison its crew on the ship’s
holodeck to play out the aliens’ sadistic fantasies. Oh, and
no one explains how they got the ship. Details, details.
2374: An alien steals
one of Voyager’s shuttlecraft. Oh, all right . .
. the alien inhabits Captain Katherine Janeway’s body. But
still, you’d think they’d have a password or something.
The list goes on. Why so many? You might as well ask: Why has Starfleet
never developed personal deflector shields? How come only the Ferengi
have money? The answers remain as obscure as the universe’s
origin.
TASK
FORCE MEMBERS
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Commander
Gowan |
Ambassador Zer’zon |
Stardate
1110.07
MESSAGE
FROM THE HIGH COUNCIL AD HOC TASK FORCE ON MACHINE INTELLIGENCE
In
our next archival viewing, we'll examine the infamous propensity
of Capt.
James Kirk (in command of Enterprise NCC-1701
and NCC-1701A)
to foil criminally malignant computers via logic, its reverse—or
chutzpa. Examples follow.
Stardate
3156.2: On Beta III, the Enterprise finds a centuries-old processor
ruling a planet's inhabitants, whom it lets go berserk every now
and then. Kirk tests what becomes his signature argument: The way
the computer executes its mission does more harm then good, making
it a failure. Kirk presents, laughably, the machine's only real
option: destroying itself. Incredibly, the device agrees—thus
exhibiting not only flighty programming, but a user interface with
really
bad hair.
Stardate
3451.9: In the Malurian system, the Enterprise encounters
an old Earth space
probe that somehow merged (don't ask) with a far superior alien
version. Considering itself highly evolved, the hybrid cyborg
jets around wiping out life forms it finds less so . . . until it
meets Kirk, whom it considers its maker—its last mistake. Not,
sez Kirk, so perfect after all, eh? Guess Kirk's next suggestion.
Stardate
3715.3: On Gamma Trianguli VI, Kirk finds a computer in charge
of natives who feed it vegetables, its only source of power. For
some reason Kirk needs to teach the locals to kiss, which the ruling
hardware doesn't like . . . so Kirk makes the inhabitants close
the kitchen, starving the machine, and Kirk zaps it. Prime
Directive, anyone?
Stardate
4513.3: The Enterprise gets hijacked, again (it
happens), by a race of centrally-controlled androids who wanna
use it to populate the universe with their kind. Or something. Somehow
these wire-heads can steal starships but can't process simple paradoxes.
Kirk befuddles them with child's
play, literally. See what happens when you don't finish system
testing?
Stardate
4729.4: You know Kirk had just waited for this one: a
self-important computer that Starfleet lets take over his ship.
After the device immolates
innocents, Kirk smirks his now-trademark "you blew it so
blow up" routine. Device complies.
Stardate
7412.6: An old NASA space
probe that fused with a superior alien device goes on a rampage
ending at Earth (proving the adage that everything in the universe
repeats). Admiral Kirk gets to see if he still has the stuff.
This time, tho—drawing on another of his life skills—Kirk
makes the machine mate, not melt. Kinky.
Eventually, Kirk tangled with a non-intelligent form of hardware
(a catwalk!), and, well . . . he finally met
his match.
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Stardate
510.09
MESSAGE
FROM THE HIGH COUNCIL CHAIR
Like me, you probably
have not yet reviewed one our earliest archives: from a mission
(circa the year 2250) in which Kirk and Spock first serve together
on the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701). And like me you probably
don’t know the mission’s details, except for this one:
Spock takes part in this mission both as he appears in 2250 and
as he appears much later (about 100 years later) in his life.
Prior to our viewing of the archive in question,
I’ve
devised a little mental exercise (a guessing game, actually) for
us to speculate how the two Spocks come together in this mission.
As I see it, four possibilities exist:
- FLASHBACK: The elder Spock tells, in
a flashback, the story of his first assignment with Kirk—or
some such.
- HOLOGRAM: The elder Spock appears in
a holoprogram, or the two Spocks meet on a holodeck. Not mutually
exclusive with the “Flashback” scenario (as occurred
in the final
mission of Enterprise NX-01).
- ALTERNATIVE TIMELINE OR PARALLEL UNIVERSE:
Either one Spock crosses over to the other’s reality,
or they meet in a third reality.
- RAPID AGING: The young Spock prematurely
becomes older due to some otherwordly phenomenon.
I invite to you choose your favored hypothesis
from above or devise your own. At our next archival viewing, we’ll
learn how it actually went down.
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Regular attendees of archival viewings seem
to enjoy stumping each other with quizzes about past—and often
obscure—missions. In this spirit, we at the High Council put
the library computer to work on a list of archival facts that span
the history of Starfleet—and tasked the computer with putting
these into an arcane, 20th-Century format known as “multiple
choice.” We’ll review them at our next archival viewing.
Which of these Starfleet vessels became destroyed in an explosion?
a. Defiant NX-74205
b. Enterprise NCC-1701
c. Delta Flyer
d. All of these
e. None of these
Which of these did Spock have as a child?
a. Rigelian fever
b. “Teddy bear” with 6-inch fangs
c. Four girlfriends
d. Lirpa
Identify the being known as “Butler.”
a. Kirk’s
dog
b. The “chef” on Enterprise NX-01
c. Holographic guide
d. None of these
Which of these codified an alliance between the Federation and
the Klingon Empire?
a. Prime Directive
b. Treaty of Organia
c. Khitomer Accords
d. Jankata Accord
With whom did Worf have a romantic involvement?
a. Lt. Tasha Yar
b. One of the Duras sisters
c. Major Kira
d. All of these
e. None of these
Who mourns for Adonis?
a. Spock
b. The Platonians
c. NCC-1701 landing party
d. Counselor Troi
e. None of these
Commander
Gowan
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