“DO YOU HATE VETERANS?” AND OTHER MOTORIST ZINGERS

August 30, 2005

    Would you like to pass on a few suggestions for future editions of Urban Bikers’ Tricks & Tips?
    For the "What To Do When Attacked" section: When someone wants to physically come after me on my bike, I’ve yelled at them "Just to let you know, it is not very smart to attack an off-duty police officer!"
    The two times I have done this, it stopped the people in their tracks. I should point out that you’re not saying you are an off-duty police officer (I am not)—you’re simply stating that it’s not smart to attack one. If they want to think you are the law, so be it. For added theater, whip out a cell phone (they think you’re calling headquarters).
    Here’s one to use if someone is behind you (e.g., at a red light) yelling, or beeping their horn, for you to get off the road and onto the sidewalk where you belong. Yell, "STOP TRYING TO SELL ME DRUGS!" This works best in the summer (windows are down) with other traffic around. On this one, I usually have a get-away plan in mind too.
    And for military veterans (which I am), one more to use if someone is telling you to get onto the sidewalk: Tell them "I am a military veteran, gave X years of my life serving my country. I think I earned my right to legally ride on the road." If you have time, you can also throw in "Do you hate veterans? If you do you must be one of those America-haters." Many of these same people often are driving obscene gas-guzzlers with "Support The Troops" stickers on them (they just can't seem to equate a need for oil wars with their driving habits), so the veteran issue can put them in a quandary.
    Hope these items are of use.

Bob K.

Bob:
    What if I want to buy drugs?

Mr Bike

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