HOW TO HIT ON SOMEONE WHILE BIKING?
September 15, 2006
Ain't chicks on bikes pretty
sweet? Oh, who am I asking? You probably have a tandem loaded
with a new chick every week! Anyhoo, I was just wondering,
how does a easy-travelin' freebird like myself meet a cute
chick on a bike?
I was biking behind a young woman
this afternoon. From the moment I pulled behind her, her
fragrance practically had me in tow. You see, I wanted to
tell her that she smelled nice, but that sounded odd to
me (and I supposed it would to her).
What is it about these times we
are living in and the word "smell"? Seems to me
that people have been overplaying the word "smell"
in a single-adjective formula that leaves the word "smell"
attached to something rotten.
For example, people often say "these socks smell",
and the impression taken is that the socks smell bad. But
actually, the statement is not closed. "Smell"
has a very limited application as an adjective. Something
can have a smell; but the flavor of it needs more than just
the word "smell". Roses smell, just as farts do.
Well, before I could even make up
my mind, I was turning south and the woman was continuing
east. I don't know—is it even possible for lovesick
poets like me to meet cute chicks who bike?
Mr. Jones
Jonesie:
In his world Mr Bike finds all things
possible but much fewer likely. Thinking about this, however,
could cause some poets paralysis, much like the bout that
routed you. So let Mr Bike (sans tandem) do your
thinking for you.
Your discomfort, I believe, stems
from hyperfocus. You fear making the object of your attention
feel like she has too much of it.
So put it on yourself instead: “You
smell nice” becomes “I like how you smell.”
See? Shift some of the focus off of her and onto you. Wanna
go all the way? Try “I like your cologne.” Now,
she sounds more like a bystander—free to decide whether
she wants to stand closer.
One more thing: Bells make friendly
noise. Ring a bike bell at someone, and it just can’t
help but pick ‘em up.
Mr Bike
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